An Open Letter to Alaska's Conformist Extraordinaires,
First and foremost, I'd just like to take a moment and let you know how increbibly awesome you are! That backwards baseball cap, with the straight bill and just enough gangsta tilt to show you've got street cred, is probably the raddest thing I've ever seen in my life. Honestly! and how could I ever forget that bad ass Affliction T-Shirt, wearing it 2 sizes too small, now thats especially ingenious! I'll bet all the ladies want tickets to that gun show. Don't even get me started on your hair, I've always wondered what kind of witch-craft voodoo your using, I mean those spikes are just so immaculate, and gelled to absolute perfection, tell me exactly how do you defy the laws of physics on a daily basis? Last but not least, your Chevy truck is so damn dope bro, I don't think you'd be any more pimp if you drove to school in a spaceship. Are those 20"s or 22"s? My bad, of course they're 22's! I wouldn't expect anything less from such a balla!
Now before you go and have a self esteem-gasm, please note the absolutely and completely sarcastic tone of this letter. Yahh that's right douche-bag, I'm making fun of you! You and your army of like-minded egotistical ass-holes! You guys are probably the most unoriginal individuals I've ever laid eyes on, and sometimes I can't help but laugh when I see you out in public. I mean I"m sure your all UFC fighters (since the damn shirts always on your chest) so pretty please don't kick my ass, but truthfully you're not fooling anyone, except for yourself.
But here's the thing I don't want you to stop. Why? Woahh there Hulk don't burst a blood-vessel trying to figure that one out. Ahh you didn't get it did you? Well let me offer a helping hand; because Everyday you wear your sweet ass shirt, that bitchin ball-cap, and drive around your Pimped-out Chevy; your making the rest of us look like the interesting and unique individuals that we are! Additionally, we could care less about the legions of super-skankitas, and armys of attention whoritas that keep you occupied...They're all yours, because well I guess we like to keep things classy!
Cease and desist,
The Snow Melter
P.S. If you agree with this letter, please feel free to respost!
